Susurration

Through my mind’s murmuration,

you walked,

leaving susurration.

And no matter what I do,

I cannot bring it to

cessation.

Final leaf

The final leaf
That water
Brought life
Brought green
Brought rustle
Warmth

The final leaf
That care
Bought safety
Bought calm
Bought peace
Comfort

The final leaf
Broke off
Frost bitten
Frost brittle
Frost dried
Damaged

The final leaf
Is falling
Lost hope
Lost care
Lost life
Gone

I

The fluttering of wings
They’re gone
The busyness of all the things
Cannot keep me
And though life is me fond
The voices surround me
Silent yet screaming and all this brings
Are memories of days for which I long.

Elevenie

Exhaustion
Capture me
All the while
I am as dead
Mortiferous

Tree

A tree
I see the branches
In their winter coat
So winding
And empty
In need of decoration

Something hanging
Colours
To move as
the wind blows
Peaceful
Decorative perchance

To fill the ‘scape
Instead of leafs
Beautiful
Serene
Dangling in the wind

No rope
No will
No energy
Not today
Not
Today.

Uncertain

Am I the bad guy
Did I harm you
Was I too much
Did I do too little

Could I be better
Am I needed
Do I demand too much
Should I go

Should I wait
Do I need to talk
Should I stay silent
Did I do something wrong

Is this it
Is it over now
Did you move on
Am I the bad guy

I don’t know

Ego

Not enough
Not good
Not smart
Not kind
Not intelligent enough

Too much
Too little
Too big
Too slow
Too fast talking

Not safe
Not there
Not here
Not silent
Not saying anything

Too kind
Too soft
Too hard
Too much

Too much…

All the black crows

All the black crows
Leave me now
Emptying my chest
Leaving sorrow

Heart held out
It’s colder now
Emptiness fills
The hollow

Pains of my
Distress is there
No end to this
I fear tomorrow
And all that I can ever see
Is the pain
And misery
Caused to those
Surrounding me
And in the middle
The husk of me
And all the crows that fly away

Insecurity

I know there’s a sun, but it won’t rise
Drowned by angst I look to the sky
They’re not there, I chased them away
Everyone is telling me I am wrong
I need to just focus, stay strong
But the voice saying different won’t die.

The if’s

If I did something wrong
If I could take it back
If I could say how much you mean
If you understood how afraid I am
To lose you

If I could express myself
If I could show how much I care
If I was not so scared
If I could tell you how much I appreciate
That you are there

But my fear make me silent
Nodding to reassure
Thinking of all the if’s and all the fears
Mute
Dumb
Silent

I want to rest in your arms
But my mind races
Makes me uncertain

If it’s okay
To cry tears of pain and sadness
After all this time

The pains are mine
The sadness from within
And the fears
Because of all the if’s