The Giant that fell

That year, the worst storm did not come in autumn, it came in the winter, and the giant fell.

The autumn storms had been some of the worst in a long long time. They had torn at all the Giant was, its very being, and it had almost fallen, already, a couple of times.

The Giant had never been more or less silent than others, but had had a strong heart, a core that made it exceptional to support any and all that needed support.

Strong arms where any who needed could sit, or use as leverage.

There had been shelter in the shadow of the Giant. But he had also let the sun through, when needed, to better warm and comfort those who would seek comfort and respite.

And the Giant had given. Freely. With kindness and because it was the right thing to do.

But then the winterstorm came, and the Giant had nothing to withstand it with.

It came as warmth, as a soft breeze in the cold, and it made the world brighter, warmer, and less grey and bleak.

The Giant had stretched his arms, opened up to enjoy something that was well needed. A respite of its own.

The wind blew stronger, but maintained warm, let the sunlight through.

The storm was not really what made the Giant fall. Perhaps it was unfair to say that the winterstorm made the Giant fall, but to an extent it is what happened. The Giant fell, when the storm vanished, and all that was left was the cold. The dark.

Nobody saw the Giant fall. And if they saw it, they didn’t notice.

All that happened was that once the Giant was down, all the beings around it used it as before. For support, for comfort. As if nothing had happened.

Perhaps an annoyed thought was spared, that the Giant no longer was as tall. No longer as strong. No longer letting the sun through, when needed.

The Giant that fell was dead, and nobody noticed…

Bitter glass

Strings of possibilities
Were laid out in front of me
By the precious smile
The sun that shines
On everything.

Strands of instant rescuing
As they knew I would
If I only could
Climb right out of
The darkest pit.

And all I ever wanted
Was a friend
A ray of sun
Reaching down
Through the clouds
And all I ever wanted
Was salted earth,
Let to grow again
My darkness gone
And blossom again
Instead of bitter glass.

The string turned sour
The strand was ripped away
All this bitter glass
As they turn to rope.

Ropes of deep despair
Hanging ominous
If I only could
Escape them all
And not eat
This Bitter
Glass.

Soliloquy IV

Bauble full of memories like embers
Slowly dying, gently, dosed out by tears
Your smile and comfort all I remember
As the bauble fills with angst and my fears

This cursed life, this half-Life, nears end
Robbed of any chance for normality
Thrown a lifeline by you helped me to mend
‘Twas lost to me, here comes fatality.

La doleur excuise, my dearest friend.
A friend all I lacked, I ever wanted.
Cheated by my own ardour in the end,
Trepidation storming, all destroyed.

And so you let loose this lifeline of mine.
Darkness, sleep, void! Take me and make all fine.

Soliloquy III

Between emptied hands my head hanging low.
Your smile and comfort all I remember.
Held onto memories, don’t want to go.
My very being, dosed out embers.

This love, this feeling, is not a passion.
It’s the warmth of the sun, the rays of light.
All for a brief moment of compassion.
Oh, how my fears brought on this cursed fright.

And although you cast me away like thus,
Discharged for reasons to myself unknown,
There is no anger, no wrath for to sus.
Only this dirge for the light once owned.

These dire straits, cannot make your light shine.
These paths of damnation lead to loosing mine.

Soliloquy II

Strip the skin from this wreck of a body
Tear down the walls of my wretched spirit
Spit out my flesh, it’s gone sour and gaudy
Burn this creature, for it has no merit

Inside you’ll find naught but fear and weakness
Burn it now, leave the ashes to scatter
I’m too twisted for these lands of bleakness
Ruin me now, ‘fore I all hope shatter

Sun may shine, rain drown out all misery
Tears all dried, grief all gone, life moving on.
Let the monster stay on rotisserie
Till all joie de vivre has all but gone.

All that it is, is just borrowed grief
Yet it robs me my mind like night’s own thief

Soliloquy

As light pass to dark and gayles fill the night
So too does joy pass from glee to sorrow
Would it be nobler, pray, to hide this fright
Or to courage, gently, seek to borrow.

Icicles, glossy, sharp, and to the point.
Formed into shards of barbed hearts ache
Imagin’d, perhaps, but pierce and disjoint
Gargoyles jabbing, stabbing, give me the shake.

Come to flesh, or so it would surely seem
These monstrosities cause pain, struggle, and strife
Madness, then, course through my veins – friends would deem
As angst, for eternity, claim my life.

To sleep, to rest once more from this
In the arms of Morpheus flee to Dís.

This ice is burning

I guess I know I will be fine
But I think I’m gonna die
I’m just drowning

I’m always tired but never of you
Friends can break hearts too
Having trouble breathing

I’ll be here on my own
Can’t let anything alone
I miss the feel of smiling

I must have caused ache
This feeling I cannot shake
This ice is burning.

The ice is burning.
In my heart.

Black Dog

‘One day, Anxiety and Death decided to have a race.
“Let’s race that human.” Said Anxiety.
“Whoever wins will be strongest of us, and I would like to know which one of us is.”

And Death agreed.

Anxiety went up to the human-
“Nobody loves you.”
“Nobody cares for you.”

The human looked at Anxiety, and then to Death, who was just holding out its arms for an embrace.

And the human looked sad, and walked away.

“That other human you think you love,” said Anxiety, “they don’t care about you at all. In fact, they laugh at you behind your back!”

Death, who had just walked beside them, stopped and held out its arms again.

The human looked at Death, then Anxiety, sighed, and continued to walk.

Anxiety, now just gathering speed, continued.
“Nobody will ever love you.”
“You’re being used, at best.”
“Look how insignificant you are!”
“I see you know it’s true, though you may laugh and smile, you know it’s all for nothing.”

Death stopped, held out its hand, and the human moved to shake it.

“Death is not the answer!” Said Anxiety hurriedly. “It will take you away, but there is nothing there, no light, no dark, no feeling, no thought…”
At the last word, the human hesitated. Then let their hand drop, and continued walking.

Rage, Love, Hedonism, and Purpose, had gathered around, and where cheering the human on.

They drowned out the words of Anxiety. Ever so little. And the human walked on.

“All you love will leave you!” Anxiety shouted.

Death, who had been watching silently, took out a black puppy from its robes.
It put the puppy on a leash and gave it to the human.

“Imposter!” Anxiety continued.
“Just because you have a family and children doesn’t mean you are a good parent!”
“You cannot satisfy anyone, not yourself, nor your loved ones!”

The human walked on.

Death just watched. The puppy had grown, and would grow, with every word Anxiety threw at the human.

“You are insignificant!”

The dog grew.

“The universe is beyond your comprehension! In rain, every drop is like a galaxy group, with molecules being galaxy clusters, every atom a galaxy, every electron, proton, and neutron a star, every quark, a planet, every sub quark a moon or asteroid.
The universe is like the rain, with an incomprehensible amount of drops. And you think you mean something?
You are insignificant!”

The hound growled, and the human looked to Death, who was just standing there, waiting.

“Embracing Death will only prove my point!”
“Besides, your loved ones will miss you!”
“Your loved ones don’t care!”
“No more thought!”
“What’s the point of it all?”
“Fake!”

The hound was now a beast, always growing. Too big to not see.

And always Anxiety asserted-

“Imposter!”
“You can smile, but we all know you are shit!”
“You cannot raise children!”
“You cannot create anything!”
“Nothing. You are nothing!”
“Death is the end of all, you fear it more than me!”
“Look at that monster beside you. Growing as I speak. It’s you!”
“You hurt everyone around you.”
“Nobody sees you.”
“Nobody cares.”
“Unimportant.”
“Useless.”‘

…what? You thought something thought provoking and insightful would come at the end?
I’m just telling you how it is to live with Anxiety and Depression.

-Unknown

Cold cold rooms

Keep flying underwater
Keep swimming underground
Suffocating in the clouds
I am waiting to be found
Being burnt by the cold cold rooms of
My mind
The embers are all I have but they
Are fading
Fading from the cold cold rooms of
My mind

Anxiety is running
Through my veins and seams
stalking my mind
Corridors of soundless screams
Lightless glow
Embers of you get caught in the cold
In the cold cold rooms of
My mind