The if’s

If I did something wrong
If I could take it back
If I could say how much you mean
If you understood how afraid I am
To lose you

If I could express myself
If I could show how much I care
If I was not so scared
If I could tell you how much I appreciate
That you are there

But my fear make me silent
Nodding to reassure
Thinking of all the if’s and all the fears
Mute
Dumb
Silent

I want to rest in your arms
But my mind races
Makes me uncertain

If it’s okay
To cry tears of pain and sadness
After all this time

The pains are mine
The sadness from within
And the fears
Because of all the if’s

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